What happens in Myrtle… Doesn’t stay in Myrtle

I spent a week taking a vacation from my crazy life and took a trip with my roommates down to Myrtle Beach! I had never been to South Carolina and I hadn’t taken a real vacation in probably 3 or 4 years so I was in desperate need of some R&R. My roommate’s parents live down there and they own a condo that they rent out throughout the year and after a little schmoozing, we had a free place to stay- right near the boardwalk too!

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The hotel where we were staying was called Long Bay Resort and it was literally right on the beach! I was surprised at how shallow the beaches were to reach the ocean but they were as wide as your eye could see. Miles and miles of beach with soft sand and bath-water warm waves- it was perfect. We visited the beach a few days and spent the morning hours tanning (and burning OUCH CHARLIE) and then taking a dip in the ocean to cool off. I had never been in an ocean where I didn’t cringe just getting used to how cold the water was. Maybe it’s because the week was so hot and humid or perhaps it’s like the all the time, but you could just waltz right on in and enjoy the 80 degree ocean water.

530The first night we were there, we wanted to get all wild and crazy so we went to a place called Broadway at the Beach. It’s a shopping center of sorts- lots of wacky gift shops, a couple normal retail stores and a ton of hokey restaurants. But the coolest part was a section called Celebrity Circle! I would equate this area to a very mini Bourbon Street like in New Orleans. Here, you were allowed to carry open bottles and cans of alcohol and bars and clubs alike ran on either side of the street. Throughout the week, these bars host a pub crawl and on the weekends, the clubs get craaaazy! And alcohol is SUPER cheap! A shot and a mixed drink only cost me $9.50- that’s as much as I would pay for one mixed drink in Boston!

523Our first night we began at a place called Fat Tuesdays which was a daiquiri bar! YUM. There were 8-10 different flavors of daiquiris and they came in different sizes. We all went with a small ($6.25) and then added a test tube shot for only an extra dollar. That was definitely enough to start off your night right! So before we had gone out, my roommates went on my Tinder (they’re both in relationships- EW) and were swiping on any guy they thought was cute to see if we could get anyone to come meet us. We also posted two “moments” so I feel like you definitely reel more messages in when you snap a picture! And so while we’re sitting at Fat Tuesdays, I was checking my messages- some of which were REALLY crass.

524MOM THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD STOP READING AND PRETEND LIKE I’M STILL A SWEET ANGEL AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENS TO ME AND NO ONE EVER BOTHERS ME! I’M WARNING YOU! THESE STORIES MAY CHANGE YOUR OPINION OF ME AND/OR THE DATING WORLD I’M FORCED TO BE IN!

I got messages that ranged from:

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Looking gorgeous tonight ladies, I’d definitely meet you if I were closer :P”

“Hope you brought your Costco card cuz you’re about to get this dick in bulk” <-really!?

“You can come kiss me if you want”

“Hey cutie how’s it going? 🙂 “

But the worst message I have to paraphrase because it was then deleted but it said something along the lines of:

“You should come over to my place and just sit on my face”

My roommate Emma was so grossed out by this and we were sitting across the table from a group of guys. Drunkenly, Emma throws the phone in his face and says, “IS THIS ANY WAY TO TALK TO A LADY!?” The guy then reads the message, laughs and then tells us he thinks it’s funny. Emma windmills her arm above her head, points to the guy after he’s said what he said and says, “SWIPE LEFT ON THIS GUY!!!” to the whole bar! It was HILARIOUS. He totally blew any chance he or his group of friends who were slowly inching forward had to talking to a group of girls in that bar.

And this is only the beginning, my friends. We ended up going to a bar called Senor Frogs right across from Fat Tuesdays where there was plenty of dancing. The music was more R&B and Hip-Hop than I really liked/I can only white girl dance to so many of those songs before I’m totally out of place. My roommate had invited another Tinder guy to meet me at Senor Frogs but I thought fat chance in hell I would actually find him there. Little do I know but I get a tap on my shoulder while I’m dancing and at first ignore it thinking it’s someone who wants to dance. I get tapped again and turn around to see whats-his-name and he says, “Are you Abby?” OH GOD GUYS IT WAS SO AWKWARD. I stumbled my way through a short conversation introducing him to my friends and us to his. And then we turned around the keep dancing and ignore them because we were never interested in the first place. IT WAS SO WEIRD. Despite that happening, we had a great girl’s night with even a couple free drinks thrown in!

Dealing with my hangover the next day, we went to the beach and ended up spending the night at my roommate’s parent’s house where we went out to a nice dinner and spent the night watching a movie. The next day, we went crabbing too! (Check back on Thursday for a more in-depth post about all the food I ate/made/caught with my own two hands!) It was a beautiful, breezy day on the water and I had so much fun catching crabs and lounging in the sun and collecting shells. We even saw these teeny tiny crabs, OODLES AND OODLES OF THEM, just scurrying through the sea grass. It was so neat to see in person. I even picked up a large crab from behind and threw it in the water just as it was about to pinch me! Right on the verge of chopping my finger off but hey, it was fun.

After crabbing, we treated the parents to a Pelican’s game which is a minor league team down in Myrtle right near Broadway at the Beach. They were playing the Salem Red Sox ironically so even though I was rooting against the home team, I felt an allegiance to Boston. Of course, in true Red Sox fashion, they got their asses handed to them by the Pelicans but it was a fun game none-the-less. After the game we were gearing up for another night at Broadway at the Beach…538

MOM NO REALLY- STOP READING NOW PLEASE. AND IF YOU ARE READING THIS, PRETEND YOU DIDN’T SO WE DON’T TALK ABOUT IT ON THE PHONE AND I FEEL ALL OF YOUR JUDGEMENT!

I may or may not have taken about 4 shots before we left the hotel. Then at the bar bought a shot and a mixed drink and was convinced I wasn’t going to drink another drop. We went to a place called Malibu’s where ladies were free (HOLLA) and it was the last stop of the bar crawl. There were just enough people there for it to feel crowded but pleeeeeeenty of room to dance. I went up to the bar to get just ooooone last shot and asked for a “water and a kamikaze”. The bartender and I exchanged some sort of conversation that I obviously couldn’t hear because he then made me a DOUBLE watermelon kamikaze and no water… So I drank it, duh.

We’re having a great time and I was definitely feeling the liquid courage coursing through my veins. This group of three guys asked us to dance but since my roommates are both in relationships, nothing ever came of it. So we go back to dancing and I was kind of bummed because it’s a billion times harder to meet/dance/connect with guys when your wing women aren’t totally wing women, ya know? Allie, my other roommate then says to me, “well it looks like that guy behind you wants to dance with you”. So I just kind of scooted backwards and VOILA, we were now dancing together. …And then eventually we were making out with each other. And then dancing some more. I was having a blast, no lie.

Eventually it was time to go and I got the guys phone number with whom I was dancing. It was typed in as “Hinter White” but I have a feeling that that may have been a typo. That or I was dancing with Hunter Hayes in disguise. Whatever makes a better story, right? I kissed him goodbye, spun around and drunkenly bee-lined it to the door thinking my roommates were far ahead of me. Finally once I got outside, they were only a couple feet behind me and we also saw “Hinter” walk out- perhaps he thought he was coming with me, poor guy. Oops.

While waiting for our cab, we saw these guys in a mini-van who looked just barely legal and one of them was peeing outside of the car. Allie then said jokingly, “Hey, it’s like a penis but smaller!” which I’m still unclear about whether they heard or not. But all of a sudden, they’re yelling at us to come over to the van and talk to them! Just wanting to mess around and kill some time before our Uber showed up, we refused to budge saying that we were “parked right here” and they could come talk to us. So the guys pulled up in front of a barrier and got out and threw it aside to try and pull up in front of us. A security officer was walking around so they got scared and pulled away in their Mom-van.

A few minutes later, they must have circled back around and two of them got out of the car and walked over to us. They were literal babies, 18 and probably borrowing their Mom’s van, drinking beers in the backseat. When we asked how old they were, they said “Old enough sweetheart.” EW BYE. No way were their activities legal at their age but their response was, “I’m local-whatchu mean” *insert southern accent here*. Finally our Uber shows up and we hop in and head back to the hotel. On our way, the boys pull up next to us and ask where we were headed. Our driver was awesome and told them that we would follow them; we let them get in front of us when we took a sharp left leaving them in the dust! For us being his first Uber customers, he was hilarious and totally knew how to handle the situation.

The next morning I was greeted with a bitchin’ hangover and I had to wear my sunglasses inside for the first two hours until my headache went away. The following days were much more relaxed spending time on the beach and at the pool making it one of the best and most relaxing vacations I’ve ever taken.

If you stuck around and read the whole post, I commend you! Thanks for reading; hopefully you could visualize my vacation shenanigans. On Thursday, I’ll be writing some more about my time at Myrtle focusing on all my good southern eats so check back soon!

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