My One True Love

I have yet another installment of terrible online dating messages! YES THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! I’ve been saving them for awhile so I can share a collection of really cringe-worthy messages. And to add fuel to the fire, I’ve also joined Tinder thanks to the persuasion of my lovely roommates! Here we go….

Isufanfirlyfe said:

” I think you’re really cute :] will you snapchat me?”

No, no I won’t. Even though you’ve changed your profile name to something even creepier than Redneckbaby1992, I still recognize you from the 3,000 other messages you’ve sent me in the past. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM MESSAGING ME AGAIN

Zweebinabox said:

“Aaaa, Millah! GET IT, LIKE “A” AS IN EYY?! HEH Anyways, are you super buried by finals, too?”

Yikes. Just… yikes.

Gelito62 said

” Hey what’s up 🙂 do you know where sheep get their hair done? “

The bahhhh-ber shop. Original.

And last but not least, my favorite from OkCupid…

From SumitBarua (Who I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten a message from before…):

12/19 : yes. you can read my profile and I am not interested in one night but I am looking for someone who can be with me forever.
12/20: I know you visited my profile. What things interest you the most.
12/20: Good evening Abby how are you today

TO WHICH I THEN REPLY AND I QUOTE: “go away”

12/20: why
12/20: is there any problem
12/20: why are you telling me to go away

Which I then proceeded to block him. Enough’s enough Sumit.

Lastly, I need to share my absolute favorite match from Tinder. The love of my life. One true love. I don’t need to look anywhere else. The message that soon after ensues says: ” You look a meat lovers kind of girl. Extra sausage?”

HAHAHAHAHAHHAA OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS. I know pizza is my one true love but I can’t handle this. Its too much!

So sadly, no luck in the romance department at the moment but don’t you worry internet, you’ll be the first to know if I make any strides. Baby steps people, baby steps.

Until next time!