Creepers be creepin’

WELCOME TO THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF ABBY’S CREEPY OKCUPID MESSAGES.

Be prepared to laugh my friends. These messages have only gotten worse, or better depending if you’re getting any enjoyment out of my pain. I feel like I don’t ask for much; I’d like to be with someone who can accommodate my crazy schedule, be a kind person and have a sense of dependability and adventure. I’m not someone to have a checklist or mentally 86 anyone I come across because I assume they’re not right. You know what happens when you assume…. right? HOWEVER. I feel like these internet creepers are definitely the exceptions. Here goooooooes:

From Stryker19:

Hello there. I liked your pictures and your profile. I’m an easy going guy who loves and good laugh, and enjoys having fun. Music is my passion. I’ve been playing bass guitar now for 27 years and there’s no better life for me. During the day I work as a medical assistant and enjoy that as well. If you want to know more about me, please email me. Rick.”

uhhh Rick? How old are you? If you’ve been playing bass guitar for 27 years, I highly doubt you learned to play while in the womb. OH WAIT YOU’RE 38 YEARS OLD? BYEEEE

From sseung523121:

Hi, how about hanging out when you are free..? πŸ™‚ My name is Kevin and just saw your profile.. and you look so beautiful and attractive to me. My name is Kevin and came from South Korea and study pharmacy in Worcester. I go MCP and majored in chemical engineering before this school. I’m just open-minded, laid back and comfortable to be with. Just so busy with school, so I ended up using this, but you seem so beautiful and nice to me.. can we hang out? πŸ™‚ I’m honestly looking for nothing serious.. like having fun and meeting continuously as good friends doing new things.. how about that..? πŸ™‚ also eating yummy foods.. and watching move with cuddling and so on.. πŸ™‚ Can I know your number if possible..? My number is ____________”

Well Kevin Kevin, we cannot hang out but thanks for asking me about 18 times in the same message with just as many smiley faces. BUT NO.

From Redneckbaby1992:

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together *insert okay emoji*

WHY DID YOU MESSAGE ME AGAIN REDNECKBABY1992. YOUR LAST CHEESY PICK UP LINE ABOUT CAMERA AND PICTURING US TOGETHER DIDN’T WORK SO NEITHER DOES THIS.

From TrevTab:

“Hey there ;). I’m in boston for the weekend and looking to get out of the hotel room. How’s your night going?

Well, I’m about to go to bed soooo.

From Mahediblog:

Hello friend, how are you?”

…..You’re from Dhaka, Bangledash. Why.

From imtheman25:

“hey hottie”

Hey Not-tie

From Mamuuu89:

Are you one of those women who takes forever to get ready with hair and makeup or does it just look that way? -Shay”

uhhhh, wut.

And now for my favorite creeper of the week. This actually made me LOL because it was so creepy and yet clever at the same time.

From jbondjr:

Patty cake patty cake I’m the bakers man. I love the fact that you are a baker. It is not everyday you come across one. I have a bit of a sweet tooth so I have a feeling that this would be the start of a great friendship. Shoot me a message if you dare.”

I don’t dare. I just dont.

Well, that’s it! Hope you had a good giggle. Have you guys gotten any creepy messages or had weird encounters in the real world? TELL ME. Hasta luego (…did I even spell that right? HOW TO SPANISH)

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