I decided to continue on with this whole embarasing myself trend from the post last week when I happened to be sliiiiiightly intoxicated… WHATEVAAAA
So in lieu of that, I figured I would talk about a subject that most people are unwilling to admit… online dating profiles. Yep, I have an account with OkCupid as do about 12,000 of my other friends. We tend to tell each other these crazy messages we get but when it comes to telling someone else how you met, or who’s text you happen to be laughing at, the truth gets well… stretched a bit.
My excuse is that I moved to a whole new city, I started a new job and I work stupid crazy hours which make it near impossible to meet anyone. That’s what I’m sticking with anyway! I’m semi on the fence about having this even be an embarrassing confession because it’s almost starting to become the norm for those of us in our twenties. Ya know, with being glued to the internet/social media/ anything-that-rots-our-brains-out-according-to-older-generations and whatnot. BUT ALAS. I’m here to share some of the crazy messages I have accrued and been saving for a rainy day! GET READY TO GIGGLE MY FRIENDS, I HAVE SOME GOOD ONES:
From Ankitp3490: “Hey, you are cute like a little mouse. Wanna play a game? And no, it’s not sexual before you think that’s what I’m insinuating you perv.”
Oh yeah, cause calling me a perv and asking to play some game in the most creeper way possible is how to get me to respond.
From Redneckbaby1992: “I’m not a photographer, but I can picture you and I together. *insert camera emoji here*”
Strike one: calling yourself a redneck. Strike 2: Horrible pick up line. Strike 3: Being in Texas but messaging someone in Boston? WEIRD
From ScubaTim7: “Lets hang out”
Lets not, ScubaTim.
From ryanmo723: “Hey there- it’s my last night in boston and I’m staying at the Westin at Copley place. What are your thoughts on a casual encounter?”
To what… play Monopoly? I’m down.
From Menace24X: “hi how are you doing… can i talk to you…”
Sorry Dennis the Menace, not interested.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST (I saved you guys the best one for last, duh)
From Sumit13: “My name is Sumit Barua. I am from Bangladesh. At the age of 16, om 2010 I moved to United States. I started high school at Cambridge Rindge & Latin School. At the age of 19, I graduated high school in the year of 2013. I am the younger child in my family. I have elder sister. Currently I am 20 years old and I am college sophomore at Eastern Nazarene College, majoring in Biology with Pre-nursing. Apart from academics I love to play sports like chess, canoeing, kayaking and cricket.
I am music and sports minded person. My family is alive. I am practicing Buddhism. Going to a Christian College I learned a new religion names “Christianity”. Although religion is not important for me. I also have great sense of humor. For example, making jokes and laugh about odd and even things. I am a great listener too. Currently I am suffering with Depression. But I usually try to cope myself by playing sports and listening music also helping other. People call me, Helpful and Hardworking person. I am looking for you that I believe you will not let me down. I am love science, music, art, games. I have a little bit British Accents (my ancestors are from England). I know having friendship is not important but having relationship in the long run are important and like husband and wife I work as a part time at CVS Pharmacy. I am loyal to my family and I believe the core values to be successful in life. I am also looking for long term love and summer relationship we will get from there.
Beside this you will love my family. Money is not important for me. I just need a long term relationship that doesn’t break apart.
Hope this helps.
Your Sincerely Romantic Personel
Sumit B. “
Thanks for the essay Sumit? I like to laugh about odd and even things too but I don’t think we’re that compatible. SORRY.
All in all, what is life people. I’ve only met up with two people because I’m so overly cautious about this crap thanks to messages like the above! One meet up was a total bust and the other was fairly successful for a couple months. Not a total disbeliever that it could work but it’s not like I’ve been proven otherwise!
Anyone else on the same struggle bus as me? No? HELP PLSSSSSS
Catch ya on the flipside, homies!